If you read my blog, you may have read the post about the sensuous sea, in which I was talking about a fantastic , sexy day with a moment of terror stitched into it. I went on to describe how the fantastic sexy day with the moment of terror continued on in a fantastic fashion, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened. Well, then I awoke every day for a week after that, feeling like a giant weight was on my chest, completely depressed, wondering why I should bother getting up. An AhHa! moment this weekend gave insight as to why this had occurred: In the sensuous sea, clinging to the sturdy rope, wondering if I was going to be swept further out into the not-so-sensuous sea, I had a brush with mortality. Even though my honey-pie and I had decontructed the moment on the surface, I was still left with the lingering thought I could have died out there.
I loved a good challenge in life. I enjoy a great adventure along with pitting myself in, among and against the elements. I’ve even had real brushes with death. The most dramatic was when I passed out on the back deck and awoke six weeks later in the hospital. A whole lot of drama occurred around me during that time while I was tucked in some cosmic corner, deciding whether to come back or not. Thankfully, I chose to come back, take responsibility for the choices I was making and make new choices resulting in the fantastic life I have today.
Dealing with death and dying and facing ones mortality is a good thing, I think. It has caused me to make better choices in life. It has caused me to find joy and happiness in the moment. I know life is short – that is not just a saying rolling around in my head. When I forget, I only have to remember the moment on the cedar deck before I tried to slip away; the moment under the sensuous sea in which I was clinging to a rope in terror; or a moment hanging on a vast granite wall with just a couple of choices. Thankfully I made the right choice in all instances.
These thoughts bring me around to the process of reading and writing. Most of us love a good read, in which the main character overcomes the odds and comes out a winner. In A Wicked Awakening I have written the kind of ending that I would enjoy. Same with Book II which I am in the process of completing. We love it when the girl gets the guy or boots the deadbeat guy and has a chance at a new start. We love it when the girl becomes strong, kicks some ass along the way and still gets the guy who loves her strength. We don’t often get to read about the days the hero or heroine woke up depressed, full of doubt, wanting to quit the frigging journey, but they’re in there, too, I imagine. They’re part of the process of dealing with our humanity. I’m reading a book right now which is a series of lengthy tomes in which the characters I come to love and hope for end up dying. It’s a strange read – one I’m not used to. I just chalk it up to life’s messy process – it doesn’t always turn out the way we hope in the end but if we’re vigilant and self-aware we can learn to find joy along the way, no matter what.
In closing, I’m wishing you all a rock solid day…a day full of joyful expansion and growth. May you use your time on the planet well. And look for a more humorous read in the week to come. I always like to balance the serious with the sweet.