Maeve: Better communication! That is the first thing we hear from new couples, whether they’re dating, considering marriage or married. That’s what they want. Better communication.
They tell us they want relationship advice.
Then, what do you think happens?
They talk. They talk and talk and talk. Have you ever heard a couple do this?
They talk louder, they talk faster, they talk over their partner’s talking.
What do you think they are wanting and not getting, with all those words?
They want to be heard, to be understood, to be validated and even to prove just how “right” they are! (Of course, being right doesn’t get you love, never has.)
What is missing? No one is getting heard, understood or validated because no one is…
Can you imagine sitting still, quieting your mind, making eye contact and really listening with your whole being to what is being said? Can you imagine not creating a defense or a comeback in your mind while you listen?
Can you imagine what you will hear, under and around “the words”?
Do you remember our article on Meta-Communication, where we said that words are only 10-15% of the whole communication? Tone, volume and body language make up the greatest part of what is really being said.
When we slow down, quiet our minds, let our eyes connect with our partner’s eyes and listen deeply, we can finally hear the entire communication. And then, there is room for true understanding, compassion and validation.
We believe that the best communication starts with the intention to really understand and be understood. It begins with deep listening.
Calinda: Maeve, I want to add something – I thought of how one of the characters in my books, Kai Williams, hears whispering in his head. He fights and resists it. Finally he learns to allow it as it is deep guidance offered on this journey though life. Even paranormal characters have to learn to listen!
Maeve works with her husband Orv Fry in Grass Valley California, educating people on how to have better relationships. With over 15 years working together as a couple, they model what they teach! Believing that the most effective work is through experience, skill, compassion and transparency, they reveal their individual experiences and growth in a vulnerable, yet powerful manner. They do Individual and Couple Sessions, Individual and Couples Instructional Intensives, and Sex Education Sessions. These may be in person, on Skype or on the phone. To find out more visit www.ignitersoftheheart.com.
Calinda B is the author of the Wicked Series, an erotic paranormal romance series. She weaves her own courage, learning and relational wisdom into her entertaining paranormal reads with skill and magic. To find out more or to buy the books, visit www.calindab.com.