Do you hold the opinion that “relationships suck” or “why me” or “this is how it is?” If so, you are not alone, but there is help! You can have a fantastic relationship!
I have a vast amount of experience in personal relating, both positive and negative. I used to excel at poor relationship choices born of need, negativity, worthlessness, poor self-esteem, need for abuse and desperation. I know what it’s like to lie, and to be lied to, to cheat and to be cheated on, to suffer and endure a bad relationship, thinking it will never be over with. I know what it’s like to be dumped and to dump the other person. I used to excel at Relationships as a Source of Pain and Dissatisfaction. Thankfully, I also know how to create and sustain a joyous relationship. Healing CAN occur if you put your mind and heart to it. I tell people, if I can change, anybody can! If you knew me in my miserable, victim days and compare them to who I am today, you’d be amazed! Why do you think my characters wrestle with relationship issues? When it comes to relationship issues, I know what I’m talking about!
I’ve been with The Official Sweetie Pie for nearly 9 years and it keeps geting better between us. We fall in love over and over again. The communication between us is amazing. The sex is always different, always incredible. How do we do it?
First and foremost, the communication between us is honest, open and caring. My Official Sweetie Pie is an extremely honest person. That is probably the first thing about him that “sealed the deal.” When he says something, I know it’s not going to be sugar-coated, fluffed or said to make me feel better because he thinks that is what I want to hear. He just says what is on his mind and in his heart. Period. So do I.
If all we did was say what was on our mind in a harsh, “this is how it is” manner, however, and not give compliments on a regular basis, the relationship would not thrive. He regularly tells me things like “I am proud of you for that class you are teaching,” or “You look great in that outfit.” Again, he would not say that if it were not true. I have heard hard to hear statements like “I thought you were buying that dress so that you would look good?” Or, “those pants make your butt look big.” Although somewhat painful to hear, it makes me trust him all the more. The guy tells the truth. I love him for it.
As for me, I tell him I love him, or I adore him, or “I love that shirt on you!” or, I give a general Mmmmm when he looks sexy. We do this all the time with one another. It works!
It helps that we are deeply compatible. We share the same love of adventure and travel, similar points of view with respect for the differences. We even share compatible work skills and own our own business! In fact, in the 9 years that we have been together, we have spent more time in the same space as one another than many couples have spent in each other’s presence in twice the years. Since we adore one another and get along so well, it works!
Being committed to the success of the relationship, instead of “suffering through it,” or “enduring it,” helps, too. Far to often, people tough it out, or stay with one another out of obligation when the love and joy died on the vine years ago. Why suffer? Life is short. If you believe in your heart that the relationship can’t be fixed, no longer works, both of you aren’t committed to improving it, then put that puppy to rest. You’ll be doing the both of you a favor, no matter what you might be telling yourself about how you “owe it to him/her to stay together.”
As for us, when one or the other of us feels insecure, the Official Sweetie Pie and I reach for the others’ hands and say “I am committed to lasting love with you for the rest of my life.” No, we are not officially married. In our hearts and minds we are more deeply committed than if we had that piece of paper. Repeating this phrase helps to steer us true if we get off course.
It took me a lot of work, soul searching honesty (i.e. the willingness to face myself, love myself, accept myself), more than a few therapy sessions and many mistakes to get to this sweet spot of exceptional relationship. Again, if I can do it, you can do it.
If you’d like some help along the way, I happen to know two of the most amazing people on the planet who assist people in sparking their passion for one another. Married 15 years, Orv and Maeve Fry are in their 70s, have a passionate and exciting relationship and help teach others how to do this as well. You can find them at ignitersoftheheart.com and at blog.ignitersoftheheart.com. Here is what they have to say about relationship success and intimacy: ”
You’ve imagined a thriving relationship, a relationship that grows and evolves with the abundance of time. You’ve dreamed of a relationship in which passion and play never die, always blooming like a rose. You’ve hoped for a relationship where discord is a gift, evolving into understanding and even more connection. You’ve wanted a relationship where intimacy and communication flow…where it is finally safe to be vulnerable and transparent, holding nothing back, a relationship where it is finally safe to be completely yourself.
Has this seemed an impossible dream? Have you tried and tried, but nothing lasted? Do you curse yourself as a terrible chooser of partners in relationships? Do you notice patterns of dysfunction in your relationships? And, why can’t you communicate? Why do you always end up in a fight? Why does sex always seem to get boring or even distasteful?
We are a thriving, passionate, playful married couple of 15 years. We use all the tools we teach to grow our relationship, to deepen our love and to use that love to fuel our lives and our work together.
What we have can be learned. No matter where you are,YOU CAN ALWAYS HAVE MORE!”
Orv and Maeve give private sessions, workshops and classes in Grass Valley, CA, and are available for phone consults. You can view their schedule here.