Sex + Love = Yumm
I’m reading an interesting book as part of my research for Book III, A Wicked Whispering. The book, entitled Bowl of Light, by paleoanthropologist Hank Wesselman, PhD, is Dr. Wesselman’s account of his intimate friendship with the now departed great Kahuna elder, Hale Makua. Among the many and varied insights and teachings the book offers, it offers insight into the spiritual significance of whales and dolphins, which is helping me shape the main character of Book III, Kai Williams, the Whale Whisperer.
As I was flipping through the book, I came across a passage that jumped out at me:
Sexuality is one of the great gateways to transcendent experience…In fact, sexuality is probably the fastest way to reach spirit. But we have to be in love for that to happen. When we are in that intense and focused state of aloha, this sexual energy brings us into connection with transcendence. And it is then, precisely then, that we may touch the universe.”
I became quite excited when I read this. “That’s the essence of my books! That’s what my book are about! The main character has to be in love when she engages sexually and then she awakens the force of the universe!” I called to the cats. One of them opened an eye and then quickly closed it, resuming his nap. The other hopped off the bed and wandered off, in search of quieter surroundings.
Then, my incessant mind kicked in. Playing with one’s sexuality can be like playing with fire. Sometimes you can get badly burned. I’ve known sexuality to be a poison as well as a blessing. When you’ve experienced non-consensual sex, it can definitely be a poison. When you’ve experienced sex as a means of control or coercion, the poison stamp still applies. When you’ve given your sexual self away without honoring or respecting your own needs and boundaries, well, poison again. I’ve also experienced sexual encounters as interesting moments in time, void of any depth or intimacy, but quite intense nonetheless. And, I can happily report that I finally learned how to enjoy the transcendent experiences that sex coupled with love produces. Boy, oh, boy am I happy for that. It’s from this place of fulfillment that I write my books. Sex and sexuality can be truly transformative when coupled with mutual respect and caring….it can take you to the stars and beyond.
I know this to be so because I took my sexual exploration and subsequent healing very seriously when I was younger. Baby, I explored. During those chaotic years I had some amazingly transcendent experiences. There was love in my life, yes, but that, too was a bit chaotic.
I know this to be so because, in what seems to be another lifetime, I studied and taught Tantra. I could stream energy with the best of them, and ride the bliss of ecstasy into the ether. There was love in my life at that time but again, it was a bit chaotic. But it was not until I left the Tantra community, married a control-freak for 4 horrid years, almost died one year into that marriage (spent six weeks in the hospital, unconscious, deciding on whether to leave or stay), got out of that marriage and took total responsibility for my actions…it was not until I let go of ever finding deep and lasting love that I met the man of my dreams and began to experience true joy, and a commitment to continued love (whenever one of us is feeling insecure, we clear it with one another and then hold our partner’s hands and say, “I am committed to lasting love with you for the rest of my life.” – it works like a charm). And then, years into sharing a solid base of love with my sweetie-pie, I decided to write a book, A Wicked Awakening and jump start my own personal re-awakening into renewed passion and love.
It’s been a blast to be a writer. The books stream from my fingers and enlighten and awaken all kinds of understanding in me. I’ve touched a few souls along the way who express gratitude, yummy arousal, joy, tears and more through the reading. And, as friends will attest, I’ve been transformed through the act of writing. Maybe my books will speak to your heart, too. In any case, I wish you joy and healing on your journey through life. Don’t be afraid to take delight and joy in your sexual play, but above all, love and respect yourself in the process… bring a “focused state of aloha” to the table. You might be surprised at what happens next.