How do you define sex appeal? At what age do you consider yourself “No Longer Sexy?” You might want to think long and hard about this because, guess what? Everyone ages. And, I don’t know about you, but feeling sexy at any age feels great.
This topic is hot on my mind lately because I am in a sexual renaissance. Definitely aging but feeling sexier than ever. Where does it come from?
Our American culture seems to see sexy as having to do with youth. You know the story – popular media portrays sexy as young and glamorous. Sure, sometimes a woman in her 40s, 50s or 60s is showcased, and we all ooh and ahh with trivial comments like “She looks sexy for her age (not just “she looks sexy”)…but, for the most part it is the youth who dominate. I don’t care. I have reached an age in which I am happy. I no longer carry the tortured angst of my 20s and 30s. I’ve sorted, filed and got straight with my life. And I am a sexy woman. Ask my partner. Ask my friends.
When I was younger, sex appeal was all about how I looked. It was about how much attention I got from the opposite sex. It was something external to me that seemed to happen randomly. It was either there or it wasn’t. It didn’t seems to have anything to do with me.
When I later explored the world of Tantra and got some major inner healing under my skin, I learned that sexy was about energy. It was an inner quality, not an outer one. It did not necessarily have to do with my slenderness, even though I prefer to be slender. I have friends who are very voluptuous and very sexy. It did not necessarily have to do with my age. I have friends in their 70s and they are some of the sexiest people on the planet. It has everything to do with allowing myself to feel open, alive and vibrant.
As I began to grow older, however, I thought my sexy days were over. I have lived a chaotic life and, at times, I felt weary and ragged by the challenges I faced. At times I felt old. “There goes that part of my life,” I would think in a gloom, when I pondered my wild and sexy 30s. “There goes my sexy.”
Now, as an author of erotic paranormal fiction, I find that one of my favorite topics – that of sex and sexuality – is alive and flourishing both in my core relationship and in my topics of interest with friends. I write about characters who struggle and sort with things in their lives that they don’t understand. I write about characters who lust for one another and make some pretty wild sex happen from the depth of their heart connection. I talk about sex with my friends. I query friends and family about sexual topics in keeping with “research” for the books. And, I find that the juices of sexy are alive and well inside of me, flowing like a stream, pushing up against inner obstacles that demand healing, streaming through me in moments of bliss and connection.
I admit it took some getting used to when 30-somethings guys and young women started to check me out. I’d think to myself, “You know I’m older than you, right?” But now I take it as a compliment. Like I said, it feels great to feel sexy and alive.
Don’t be afraid to let your sexy out, not matter how old you are. The world can be a safe and sexy place if you let it be, by being open to your vitality and passion.