…is just being yourself and being sexy when you want to, and however you choose when you don’t.

Who’s sexy all the time? Who would want to be? I imagine even a sex symbol needs time to replenish, right?

A couple years ago, when I heard the lyrics of Swedish pop singer Robyn’s “Who’s That Girl”, I was elated. Written in 2005 by herself and production duo The Knife, the song just, well, it spoke to me:

Who’s that girl that you dream of?
Who’s that girl that you think you love?
Who’s that girl, well I’m nothing like her
I know there’s no such girl
I swear I can’t take the pressure
Who’s that girl?
Good girls don’t say no or ask you why
I won’t let you love me until you really try
Good girls are sexy like everyday
I’m only sexy when I say it’s okay

I just can’t deal with the rules
I can’t take the pressure

That song was music to my ears….I thought, “Why did I spend so much time in my life, trying to live up to some ideal of beauty and sexiness? I am what I am.” When I was in full-on exploration mode, and baby, I explored, it was “who will I do it with” or “now that I’ve got him, what shall I do?” ” followed by “am I sexy enough, pretty enough, thin enough, cute enough, you name it enough?” The answer, at least in my mind, was always a No! Truth be told, when I look back on those sex searching days it turns out I was more than enough. So why all the doubt? All the ideals I thought I should live up to – it turns out there’s no such girl, as Robyn sang it.

My advice to anyone – just be yourself. You’ll be happier in the long run and you’ll have whomever you are meant to have in your life. Live authentically. If you make a mistake along the way, just own it and move on. Life’s too rich to have to compromise.

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